- white house city nights

Благодаря че ме доведе дотук. Красиво е. Спиш съвсем близко до мен. Виждам те. И не знаеш. Как много си мисля за теб. Това е първата ни почивка заедно, далеч от моето вкъщи и твоето вкъщи. Далеч, и различно. На едно съвсем непознато място. За каквото и за когото да си говорим и кой за което да си помисли, се радвам че мога все пак да въздишам. Моля те да помислиш и ти доколко може да издържи крехкото ми сърце. Връщам се в леглото ти. Във нашето легло. Имам нуждата от прегръдка. Ще ме познаеш щом се събудиш.

...and breathe me

wrap me up, unfold me, i am small, be my friend

Do you wonder why I love everything about you?

At this very moment, even as you read, you are getting at the root of the cause, rather than pursuing changes that provide only temporary relief from stress. Indeed, you are making changes that will last a lifetime. In all human beings every element operates in various degrees of conflict. Sometimes our emotions pull us in one direction our instincts washes us ashore while our intellect pulls us in another. Sometimes our desires try to lead us down a certain path but our fears won't allow us to follow. While you're growing up you're told what to do, how to do it, and when to have it done. You can't develop the psychological qualities required for self-assertion until you've become aware of, and busted through every mental block. Knowing the past sources of your current thoughts and feelings is important because thoughts and feelings lead to behavior, and behavior, in turn, leads to thoughts and feelings. All aspects of your self are connected. Whenever we approach a situation in which we feel uneasy or simply uncomfortable, our anxiety rises from the depths in the form of an inner voice. So, whenever you find yourself beginning to avoid a task that needs to be done, the situation calls for relax. That’s how I feel, like autumn. But waiting at an easy pace - the spring. Where are you now?

because you’re gorgeous

...."I would like you to be me," he said,
....clasping me with all possibility,
....as if my ego would collapse
....without the aid of a demolition crew.
....His smile would be enough.
....I suggested that "we can be us instead,"
....in a way that denied conversion
....(something transparent in his eyes).
....In some ways, when our worlds collide,
....I half expect customers to give witness.
....It happens daily, this.

you tore away my shirt?

misty veils are blue drawn silky shades

i heard one say: you don't have to be always right – you don't have to go in alone
(it's all true that because) sometimes you can't do it on your own

I love the variety, but always ending up back the lucky row of contributing an inspiring options, is incredibly down-to-earth and (non)wanted. It’s like fascinating private exploration of the inner states how far we go, while still be one heck of a girl, claiming for a little fun. My aim is to promote understanding and tolerance between, on the ground level. However, I’m determined that something positive should come out of the primitive evil. I also feel fear, isolation and shame; in many areas of my life I’m carefree and confident. Life has always had to do battle with the elements – so it makes sense to choose both winning or losing, and facing the rain when it’s raining – or shine to the helping hands, being given. The city is no longer a glided cage or a prison, it’s where you can unleash your femininity & right all the wrongs of the day – although the very technological, masculine environments, so there’s a huge shift away from any kind of minimalist masculine decorating – because that’s too much like work obsession – with being judged by our peers; gravity-defying measure. Must completely go out the window. No more sense and simplicity ~ most of us associate each other as seductive personalities, procreative and enthusiastic. But being lonely & single can be somehow scary, exciting & ultimately, liberating experience; can be really nervous in case no one is interesting due to logic, steeped in prejudice; can be terrifying moment every inch of the way. The hardest time is Sunday, when I think of people having cosy, smooth and silky days in. Having dug myself into a hole, I’m yet not sure if I’ll know how to get apart and out of it; well, I can imagine myself wanting to settle down and have some confidence but, in the meantime, I’m just experiencing both sides of the life. Even if it take another turnover to be next to the right person, I’m happy to wait. No matter what is said or done in the meantime.

Back to reality. It’s raining (again) and it’s foggy (again), but the weather doesn’t matter – as this is emotional time, having similar feelings recently with similar thoughts in mind, and it seems appropriate to put those feelings into words, whether recent events has changed the outlook on life and whether any change have made a result. Got to be a great believer in the power of a gaze held for a second too long – it’s a shortcut to intimacy; about breaking down barriers, even if just for a few moments. It can be a look, a light caress or even laughing at the same joke on the phone. It is very touchy, full of innuendo and you love it. In general, though, it’s harmless way of letting off steam without actually being unfaitful or even wanting to be. But there’s a fine line between a light touch and making someone feel invaded or threatened by the presence. Basically, you learn where that line is through experience and you don’t cross it, give as good as you get – when it’s just a bit of fun and, who knows, it could lead to something special. I’m never short of things to say. While I adore a good natter, I like to think that I’m a pretty listener, too. Being interested in other people comes naturally to me. It’s partly because of my job, partly because of my behaviour but mostly because of my personality. That’s why some confidence comes in handy. It gives people the perfect excuse to break the ice. I suppose there’s no substitute for spending tiime with the people who are close you. Who will you inspire today? Give yourself a goal. You need to decide how you’re going to do it; plan how to achieve it. Successful people manage their lives, it helps you stay on track. This means making lists of possible things you want to achieve over different time frames. The mindset is to believe in yourself, despite the odds; the mantra – if you know it’s impossible, do it. Just enhance your self-belief; become a risk-taker.

Stella (of the wreckoning)

i da foliram sve

Do you ever wish to be someone, or something, else? Have you ever wanted to express a part of yourself that the everyday world doesn't even know exists? If so, then you already know why masks have been a fixture of human society since it began. Why they can be found in every culture on earth. Why the masquerade is such a romantic form of entertainment. Masks can change who you are, or how others see you. They let you express yourself without fear of exposure. They are a doorway to your inner self, a glimpse into your dreams. The art of the face is one of the oldest, and most elemental. Masks have served many purposes throughout history. They have been used as symbols in story telling, they have been used in religion, In some cultures the masks themselves are believed to be alive. But, we all wear masks. Everyday. When we change a mood, or play a role, or put our "best foot forward". Sometimes these masks can trap us, hide who we really are, even from ourselves. But masks can reveal as much as they conceal. And that is the secret to their fascination. So come & join the masquerade.

-

absolutno jenska: ziv se covek na sve navikne pa valja cu ja, ako Bog da, ako Bog da, da se pravim da me ne vreda kad odgurnes me, da spasem bar to sto spasti se da, da te ne pitam s kim svaku provodis noc i sto ne spavamo kao pre. dobrodosli drugovi na nasu malu maskaradu, i da se goli skinemo ostace nam nase maske

slidin and glidin

tease me please me no one needs to know just before i have to go we will take it nice and slow tease me please me just let the feeling grow - nights been sad and lonely since you sang to me and all the same anticipation in mind

-

Through this tiny window, I try to search for a corner of my own. I yearned to seek out the peace that I never am able to find in reality. Real peace and comfort that I can be who I am, safe, free and protected from the noises that I experienced in reality. And yet, as much as I traveled far and wide into strange kingdoms, met interesting people and got caught into strange situations, I have yet to find the solace that I so crave for. No peace, no comfort, no silence. I always believe that everyone has a guardian angel, one who will protect her and who will guide her along the right path. However, it seems that most of our guardian angels are either lost themselves or my belief is just imaginary. I always believe that we should be positive about life and remain optimistic that at the end of the tunnel, there will be light, no matter how gray or how dark your days are, there is always that glimpse of light. Yet, I have always been proven that the tunnel is so darn long and that my glimpse of light is so far away and so dim. I may as well be running around in circles in my long and dark tunnel and should give up any hope of ever reaching my glimpse of light. I have always believe that as you swim upwards long enough, no matter how far the distance is, you will definitely reach the surface and you can finally take a deep breathe, one that will free you from your suffocation. That much needed breathe of life, and you will no longer suffocate anymore, freed from the pulls of the murky water underneath. But then again, the swim upwards to the surface seems to be taking forever. It seems like the more I struggle, the more I am sucked under into the depths below and the surface is further and further away from my reach. I just cannot seem to go upwards, to breath that much needed breathe of life. I seem to be forever chained to my suffocation and will never be able to reach salvation at all. Who is there to guide me to that glimpse of light in my tunnel of darkness? Who is there to pull me to the surface and free me from my chains of suffocation? Where is my guardian angel I've been looking for so goddamn long? Have you ever needed someone so bad? *sigh*

green eyes : gentle hands

Днес пак случайно си спомних пейката, там където се спрях. Днес пак си спомням за близко-далечни отминали дни. Днес нищо още не считам за свършено и забравено, макар и с тъга на сърцето - мойта тъга. Далеч си, треперещо галещо въздишащо копнея. Поне с усмивка ме прегърни.

carry one

it's not my style : not my favourite : not my page one - but heartrending : carry one gorgeous : hope springs eternal half-awake

i don't want clever conversation
i never want to work that hard
i just want someone that I can talk to
i want you just the way you are

autumn ~ on my knees

It soothes the soul. It makes the world go round. Forgiveness is letting go of the pain and accepting what has happened, because it will not change. Forgiveness is dismissing the blame. Choices were made that caused the hurt; we each could have chosen differently, but we didn’t. Forgiveness is looking at the pain, learning the lessons it has produced, and understanding what we have learned. Forgiveness allows us to move on towards a better understanding of universal love and our true purpose. Forgiveness is knowing that love is the answer to all questions, and that we all are in some way connected. Forgiveness is starting over, with the knowledge that we have gained. I hope we can do just the same as it is. Some closed doors are a blessing; so if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it all right now? If tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today. If you are sad, who comes to your mind first? As long as you believe.

it's autumn nostalgia - can't stop falling

an anticipation for precipitation

You had my heart and we'll never be world apart. Maybe in magazines - but you'll still be my star. Baby cause in the dark you can see shiny cars and that's when you need me there with you I'll always share, because... when the sun shines - we'll shine together; told you I'll be here forever, that I'll always be your friend; took an oath - I'mma stick it out 'till the end, now that it's raining more than ever, know that we still have each other - you can stand under my umbrella. These fancy things will never come in between, you're part of my entity here for infinity. When the war has took it's part, when the world has dealt it's cards if the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart, because... when the sun shines - we'll shine together; told you I'll be here forever, that I'll always be your friend; took an oath - I'mma stick it out 'till the end, now that it's raining more than ever, know that we still have each other - you can stand under my umbrella. You can run into my arms, it's okay don't be alarmed. Come into me. So gonna let the rain pour - I'll be all you need and more, because... when the sun shines - we'll shine together; told you I'll be here forever, that I'll always be your friend; took an oath - I'mma stick it out 'till the end, now that it's raining more than ever, know that we still have each other - you can stand under my umbrella.

najbolje

sad da te vidim ne bih te poznao
lepote tvoje zeljan sam ostao
znam da sa tobom sve sam izgubio
al' kad te sanjam ne bih se budio

not one of my best nor one of my muses but thinkin in common of one who deserve in the hope of being forgiven in the name of keep it safe 'n close in touch as good as gone as good as been on the deepest inside every split inch and clear instant

...

There's a place I've never been, a place I long to be
Will I reach? I just don't know, still I hope one day I'll go

My wish just never seems to come, I know for certain you're the one
So close I get, still no cigar, carrying my wounded heart

I can't stop the river from running
I can't stop the rain from falling down on me
I know I'm not what you want
I'm hoping in time you'll see how my soul pleads for you

Not every time you meet someone and you both just click in a minute
Baby it's the eye contact, smile like that click-click and you're rolling
Can't stop calling you, I don't know what to do
Baby you're making me break down all of my rules.

Now I can believe you've put a spell on me
Oh it's the way it seems, I can't keep you out my dreams
Oh I get chills baby, when I can't talk to you
I'm in pain and I hope you feel the way I do

I know for certain you're the one baby so close, and no cigar
I carry this, my wounded heart, so close but yet so far
I'm hoping in time you'll see how
my soul pleads for you

...

И помня твойте очи и помня твойте ръце. Опасно близо. Плашещо близо. Нереално близо. С въпроси наум дали не сънувам. Не искам така лесно да бе свършило. Красиви спомени пазя. Теб. Какъвто знаеш че си но и какъвто може би не искаш да предположиш по огнените езичета останали в двете преливащи езера на искрения портрет който скицираш с усмивка. Пак ти. Пред погледа ми са хиляди хора забързани и се опитвам да не мисля защото бе сигурно че ще срещна твоя търсещ не другиму и не изхода от гъмжилото а мен. Боли силно когато знам че не ще мога да се скрия на топло въе ръцете ти от тълпата която сега ненавиждам. Сгушена в обятията ти по-близко и по-близко е безопасно и за момент искам времето да спре точно така потънала в нежна и силна прегръдка. Искам да мога а ми е трудно да си поискам. Знам че знаеш и ме разбираш. Но малките жестове и капризи имат голямо значение за един най-обикновен ден да остане в спомените като магичен подарък дори когато ни няма на същото място в такъв безценен момент. Мисля с тъжна усмивка за сутрините с черно кафе до прозореца, когато сме се разминавали с кикотене в банята и муцунката ти е била оцапана с пяна за бръснене, изпращайки ме до входната врата и как до последно се дърпах да не тръгна, лутането по малките улички и усещането че водя до себе си малко дете имащо нужда от порицание след всяка дребна пакост, спомням си вечерите когато в приглушена сценична светлина пееше песни с безброй посвещения и надежда следващата да запазя с моето име. Заспивах винаги първа и отварях очи от шума в кухнята, поглеждах бележката до възглвницата “ставай че закъсняваш за лекции!” защото ти е било жал да го кажеш а ти идваше малко след това с inxs и недоизпитата бутилка вино от няколко часа по-рано. Когато беше толкова близо колкото много месеци не сме били аз пак ревнувах от времето, бялата котка, малките бягства, и завръщанията, от музиката и от тишината, от всеки поглед встрани от моите две очи. В един момент музиката спря а знаеш че от тишината ме е страх. От хилядите мелодии предпочитам една или няколко определени но забравих да си ги поискам да останат с мен а не в багажа който отнесе на път през омразния терминал и само диря в небето остана. Освен спомените. Които имат значение. Когато не виждам и на допир те няма го има гласчето. Също мелодия. Но знаеш ли искам от всичко по малко и не само по малко. Просто поравно за всичките сетива. Искам да знаеш колко значиш за мен независимо от мястото от времето и колко дълго ще чакам до следващата среща. Ела пак и недей да си тръгваш.

"Cold and frosty morning, there's not a lot to say about the things caught in my mind. And as the day was dawning my plane flew away with all the things caught in my mind. Damn my situation and the games I have to play with all the things caught in my mind. Damn my education I can't find the words to say, with all the things caught in my mind. So don't go away, say what you say. Say that you'll stay, forever and a day in the time of my life. Cause I need more time, yes I need more time just to make things right..."

...

The only thing I want. The only I need. The only thing I choose.
The only thing that looks good on me… is you

Искам да съм 2500 километра на изток. Кажи ми че те разбирам правилно. Извинявай. Искам да го чуя но не мога от тук. А искам да те чуя и да ми го кажеш с глас. Ти си пак това нали? Лятното. Кажи го с усмивка и е достатъчно. Първият път се спрях да попитам кое може да породи онази неописуема болка в очите. Спомняш ли си? Не съм благодарна на любопитството си а на въпросите които не се наложи да задам. Кажи ми че знам отговорите. Кажи ми че вече нямам въпроси. Беше ме страх и все още се страхувам от тишината а ти знаеш как да ми дадеш смелост. Дори да не съм иглата морфин в кръвта ти срещу горчилката позволи ми поне да вървим заедно и да те слушам. Ревнувам от болката и от лекарствата но ми трябваш какъвто и да е стига само да е реално. Позволи на едно обикновено момиче да се огледа в едно необикновено момче. Понякога ми се ще да съм камера и да запечатам образа. Нататък знаеш продължението. Свързани спомени. Може би се самонавивам но е по-добре от нищо за което виня качеството да говоря на себе си и рядко в подходящото време на правилния човек. Кажи ми че това си ти. Ела тук по-скоро а аз ти обещавам да слушам внимателно.

I practice every day to find some clever lines to say to make the meaning come true
But then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late and I'm alone with you

How does it feel babe
to play sweet revenge
do you want me on my knees

How does it feel babe
to let me feel your strength
don't be cruel can't you see

If you don't catch me now
I can't stop falling down
Just one more night and the devil's got my soul
I need your love babe don't leave me this way

+++

"...това което е могло да се каже е казано
и написано. Днес на мода са импровизациите.
Билярд от думи и емоции, чрез думите;
тенис между настоящето и миналото;
бейзбол - където човек посича топката-потребност
с бухалка-вдъхновение."
-Vlad